Shouldn't it be better?

It's been 3 months and 8 day since I found Brett passed away in his bed. Shouldn't things have gotten better? I mean yes, they aren't as painful as that night but not a day goes by that I don't think about him or even talk to him. When I talk to other people about Brett, it's all in present tense. I can't seem to even say he's an ex-boyfriend because he's not. He's the boyfriend, the one that passed away. It should be better right but I still feel different. Will it actually get better? Does it actually heal? I hate thinking about what-ifs but I wish we could've had more time. Perhaps things wouldn't have worked out but at least I'd be left with answers, not questions and more thoughts.